Couples & Relationship Counselling in Carlton

Couples Therapy in Carlton

In intimate relationships, we create a special world of shared language, rituals and rhythms which are uniquely possible with another person. No two relationships are the same and it a precious gift when we find somebody with whom we find pleasure in the present and share hopes for the future. Healthy intimate relationships support personal well-being and growth, through providing support and comfort in challenging times. But sometimes, we may need help in regaining the feelings of trust and intimacy in partnership.

Two men connecting after Couples Therapy

When to go to Couples Therapy?

How Couples Therapy Works

Couples Therapy is becoming increasingly popular due to valuable influences from social media, the US tv show “Couples Therapy” and public voices such as renowned therapist Esther Perel. Couples therapy is now seen as a normal and practical approach to the natural complexity of relationships and seen to offer the possibility of thriving rather than surviving in long-term relationships. Instead of being something to hide or be ashamed of, intimate partners are coming earlier to couples therapy and benefitting from the insight and tools they can gain. Couples therapy at The Spring Clinic in Carlton, begins by offering a safe and supportive environment for couples to discuss what have felt like previously overwhelming issues. Often the process of having an empathic, third perspective and a therapeutic container to discuss challenging topics is a transformative experience for couples. Opening the line of communication between partners is the first pathway into renewed connection.

Our couples therapists take your lead – each session begins with what is important to you and your partner. From there, our couples therapists weave in the right questions, reflections and activities to help you to understand the source of your challenges. Couples therapy is a kind of theatre, a space to express, play and enact the drama of love under the guidance of an informed therapist. Your couples therapist becomes a participant in previously stuck dialogues and supports the emergence of more productive ways of communicating.

Conflict

Couples therapy almost always includes addressing chronic patterns of conflict, because conflict is only natural when you attempt to meet two unique, sometimes contradictory perspectives. At The Spring Clinic, your couples therapist will have a range of approaches to help you and your partner understand and change rigid patterns of conflict. Clients come to couples therapy often desiring tools to have more effective communication, and whilst exercises and communication skills are often taught in couples therapy, couples are often surprised to find that the understanding of themselves and their partner which they gain through the process of couples therapy is the greatest tool for overcoming what feels like intractable issues.

Emotional Distance

Some couples experience emotional distance in relationship, whereby they might feel that they are “ships in the night” or “roommates”, instead of the intimate partners they once were. Emotional distance in relationships is often a sign of unexpressed desires, needs and conflicts, which couples therapy address through offering a safe, communicative environment with a trusted therapist. Your couples therapist can also give you exercises and tools to use at home to help you to open up more vulnerably in relationship and regain emotional intimacy.

Codependence

Codependence can be understood as a lack of physical, but also emotional separateness in relationship. We may loose sight of our individual selves – what we feel passionate about and feel irrevocable of our partner’s experience. Codependence creates a number of issues in relationships including chronic emotional reactivity and a loss of relational chemistry. Couples therapy can help to redefine the boundaries between self and other, opening the opportunity for a relationship of two inspired, grounded individuals who co-create instead of co-dependence.

Making big decisions

Big life decisions for a couple might include the question of having children, where to live, managing finances or how to support children or ageing parents. When couples get 'stuck', there is often a feeling of panic as they confront what might feel like a deal breaker in their relationship. Couples therapy can be a place to contain these difficult conversations and the anxiety they entail. Coming to your therapist, you can know that you have somebody calm, objective and experienced to help you reach a resolution on big decisions. Couples therapy will help you both voice and clarify your individual perspective, to understand and respect your partner's, and will provide insights into the source of your beliefs and preferences.

Intimacy

Intimacy might include sex, physical affection and feelings of emotional closeness. Couples therapy can help you and your partner talk about the sensitive topic of intimacy, which often brings up tender feelings of embarrassment for both partners and may lead to avoiding discussion. We can help you address differences in libido, regaining excitement and pleasure in sex, expressing and receiving more affection, and learning to speak more openly and intimately with each other.

Uncoupling

Choosing to end a relationship is a profoundly difficult decision, but sometimes we know it is for the best. When there is enough mutual acceptance between partners, it can be possible to have a separation process which is more respectful, collaborative and ultimately, healing. Especially when there are children involved, a smoother separation can lead to a better future for everybody. Couples therapy can provide a forum to be able to create some more shared meaning about the end of the relationship, a way to offer accountability and forgiveness, and to build the kind of bond you might be hoping to nurture afterwards - whether that be caring co-parents, lifelong friends or respectful ex-partners.

Communication Issues

Couples often come to couples therapy reporting issues with honest, open communication. Either conflict gets in the way or they report there is an absence of deeper discussions altogether. Couples therapy offers a valuable and temporary safe space, where you can be facilitating in more open discussion by your couples therapist. Your couples therapist will model direct and kind communication and help you to express yourself more fully. Communication exercises may also be offered so that you have a format you can rely on at home to begin and persist through challenging conversations.

Polyamory

Love does not need to be singular, but instead can be plural. Having multiple partners can be an expansive experience of love, but also can naturally bring up more complexity and challenges. We have couples therapists who specialise in polyamory, who understand how to assist partners in developing more secure bonds as you navigate open relating. Our couples therapists understand the different relationship structures, can help you negotiate agreements and repair from instances in which hurt or jealousy occurs. The aim is to help you not just tolerate, but celebrate, more love in your partner's life.

Roles and Responsibilities

In long-term partnership, we increasingly collaborate in daily life and shared dreams. The daily negotiations and maintenance of roles and responsibilities of managing the household, quite often leads to conflict between partners. Often couples share stories about a fight which emerged from something seemingly small, life crumbs left on the counter and couples are baffled by how they might end up screaming and not speaking for days following. Couples therapy helps couples to understand its rarely about the tasks itself, but instead about deeper feelings and issues regarding care, feeling supported, criticised or appreciated.

Couples Therapy Approaches We Use

The Gottman Method is the most heavily researched couples therapy model. The Gottman Method designed communication exercises from years of research on what leads to couples thriving or barely surviving. In couples therapy, you will be guiding in using these communication exercises which can then take home and practice. The Gottman Method is a practical, "behavioural change" approach to couples therapy.

THE GOTTMAN
METHOD COUPLES THERAPY

Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples, as the name implies, is about focusing on and understanding the rapid emotional responses which move between partners and often lead to conflict. When the heat simmers down and more intimacy can be gained in conversation. Deeper needs and desires begin to be expressed more vulnerably and increased feelings of connection and teamwork emerge.

EMOTIONALLY
FOCUSED
THERAPY

When we are babies, the bond with our caregivers creates a map of expectations about the most important relationships in our lives. In adulthood, people may often notice patterns of responding or reacting which seem automatic and sometimes destructive. In couples therapy, attachment theory is used to understand how history might be repeating in the present.

ATTACHMENT
THEORY

PACT or The Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy focuses on present moment experience to help couples gain immediate insight into their responses and reactions in intimate relationships. Your PACT therapist will identify the patterns which do not help you in relationship and guide you towards more intimate, open and safe communication.